So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
