did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
FUCK WHALES
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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