I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
