last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
