i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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