I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize