So drunk, too bad you don't want this
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
