Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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