ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
