either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
