just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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