I got chris browned last night
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
