My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
