How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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