remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
