you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
