He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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