he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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