Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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