I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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