Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
