So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
