can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
