Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
