i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
