It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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