rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need to calm my uterus...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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