dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
