Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
