you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so let's talk penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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