my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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