omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my phone needs a breathalizer
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
