We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
