the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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