wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
