I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
