Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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