I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
