Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
