omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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