glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I smell like Dick and happiness
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
