And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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