Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
