I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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