Whod you bang
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
