I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
