She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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