Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
