Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
