But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
