I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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