He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
