he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
