Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
not ubering you a puppy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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