can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize