So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
