Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
