I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
