pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
