your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just threw up on my dentist
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
