We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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