Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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