Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
