So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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