i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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