the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
