I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
