And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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