is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there's paper in my vomit.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
