Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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