I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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