Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
