So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
