Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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