At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
