I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize