Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
