Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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